I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
I help busy people do inner work.
I write 1-minute insights daily. Below are my latest. Like? Enter your email to get updates.
On a flight to San Diego, California, I got to talking with a mom who had two kids.
On the topic of parenting, she mentioned that her and her husband split the responsibilities 50/50… but not in the way you might think.
One day, she will do 100% of the parenting roles. Including meal prep, transportation, chores, homework assistance, bedtime, etc. And while she’s doing that, the husband gets time to himself to eat out, spend time with friends, relax from chores, do his own extracurricular activities/hobbies, do inner work, etc.
On the next day, the husband will do 100% of the parenting roles and the wife gets to do whatever she would like in the same above mentioned ways.
They’ve been doing it this way for years and she said it works incredibly well for them. The reason? They’re not both trying to do all of the above mentioned things—parenting and personal work—all at the same time.
…Which usually results in a fulfilling completion of none of it for anybody.
Instead they’re giving each other a chance to focus on one specific avenue—parenting or personal work—and allowing for enough space and time to do it in full.
“Somebody should take all of this extra food to homeless people and/or local shelters.”
“Absolutely” I said.
“Would you like me to help you load some of it up into your car?” I continued.
“Oh, no.” She replied. “I don’t want to be the person to do that. I just think it’s a good idea.”
There’s certainly no shortage of good ideas.
Having good ideas isn’t ever really the issue.
It’s being the one who’s ready to take good actions.
In reply to an email, I caught myself typing, “You will get better.”
And then realized that was a statement I couldn’t promise.
So I deleted it and typed out, “If you keep showing up for yourself, you will keep getting better.”
Because saying to someone, “You will get better” relieves them of responsibility. It means they can do whatever they want and the outcome they desire will happen regardless. And if it doesn’t—it can be made your fault because you were the one who said it would.
No.
Better to always remind people that you can’t change their life trajectory any more than you can change who they are as a person.
…But if they’re willing to take responsibility for change in their own life… then it’s hard to see how “better” wouldn’t be a byproduct.
P.s. Ready to take control of your life’s direction? My 30-Day Guide will help you build unshakable confidence in your life’s direction without costing you thousands on life coaching.
In the same way that a good book leaves you wondering at the end of a chapter or a good TV series leaves you pretending not to know what time it really is so you can stay up just a little later to watch just one more episode…
…Fill your life with cliff hangers.
Those creative projects you’re working on? Stop before you’re finished and/or keep expanding on what you’ve already built.
Those interesting/wonderful people who bring out the best in you? Keep initiating and accepting invitations—even if it’s just for a short visit. Never underestimate what any amount of time spent with interesting/wonderful people can do for the plot of your story.
Those travel destinations and worldly experiences that make you giddy? Keep confirming plans for them. You should always have something you can look forward to booked in your calendar.
Fill your tomorrows with excitement, wonder, and unsatisfied curiosity.
…Make your life the TV show you can’t seem to stop watching or the book you just can’t seem put down.
Yesterday, I spent the day at a friend’s cabin.
The cabin was situated in a beautifully wooded area, had a fire pit, a swimming pond, a grill, and was filled to the brim with food and drinks.
What I found interesting was the following:
…When we all finally gathered, we walked to the swimming pond—and sat at a table and mostly talked by the water.
…After that, we walked back to the cabin and had a fire-grilled dinner—and mostly chatted as we ate.
…We then started a fire and gathered close by as the flames mesmerized us—into even more warm and relaxed conversation.
…And we eventually played a little music and danced around the flickering, glowing light—as the evening unraveled into raw stories, vulnerable shares, and belly laughs.
…Really all we did was walk, talk, eat, drink, and dance.
Going to the cabin by nature with a pond and a fire pit was just the excuse.
…Did it add an extra element to experience? Yes, of course.
But the thought I found myself circling back to was this: what people think they want is a fancy cabin in the woods that has a swimmable pond and a fire pit… but what they really want is an excuse to connect with the people they love and align with.
…And all that’s really needed for that is an intention and an invitation.
Don’t miss the connection for the cabin.
Listening to poetry makes me want to compose poetry. Therefore, I should listen to more poetry.
Watching incredible martial artists perform makes me want to train martial arts. Therefore, I should watch more incredible martial artists perform.
Seeing people act kindly, thoughtfully, and truthfully makes me want to do the same. Therefore, I should surround myself with people who act as such as frequently as I’m able.
What comes in through the senses begets more of the same back out. Choosing (controlling) what comes in is still a highly underrated strategy for controlling what comes back out.